Fun With Prepositions And Conjunctions.

Couldn't think of a title...

I fell in love once
With a boy too nervous to say much
On a couch (but I was too)
In a dimly lit room
Without meaning to (or completly on purpose)
Instead of watching the Office.

I fell in love once,
Through the world (so where was I before?)
Into the depths of his heart,
Despite my fears (yet they're still all mine)
Concerning letting things go,
Before I knew what was happening.

(And it was terrifying)
And it was perfect.

But i hope you like it anyways. I just got bored haha. It must be my new glasses >.<

Black Friday (bumbumbummmmm)

   So today I woke up at an ungodly hour to finally go do my Christmas shopping. It was ridiculous.  I just about died I was so tired. And people tend to go crazy to save a couple bucks. Holy crap. Anyways, I still really haven't slept much since four. But eh. Being tired lets me open up my mind.
  While I was on the subject of what other people wanted for Christmas, I thought about what I really want. I'm not sure I want anything. I'd rather people not spend money on me for things I'm not even sure I want. But my mom finally bugged me today about what I really wanted, so I thought about it and I made up my imaginary wish list. This is a list of things I wouldn't mind having, but don't really want anyone to get me. Seriously. People are just curious.

Here's my imaginary wish list:

Nikon Coolpix L22

A New Phone

A Plane Ticket To Dublin, Ireland

Two Passes to Cornerstone11

Bottle of Pink Warm and Cozy Body Spray

Bottle of Very Sexy Body Lotion

A Promise Ring

A Hearing Aid

A Dozen Red Roses

Reservations at Abigail's Hostel

That One Thing
(cough thanks to suggestions from max and aaron cough)

A Cheap Camcorder

A Webcam

A Gas Card

A 4G Card

(or whatever it is that gives you Internet everywhere)

Netflix

A Day at the Spa

A Trip to the Chiropractor

Sominex

You

   That's in no real order. Or even real. Just...what my mind rattled off. But really, I'd be happy just being with family and friends and that special someone, seeing everyone happy. That'd make me happy. But I thought some of you might enjoy this. There ya go. I'm gonna take a nap now.

Night.

Fireplaces are the best

Guess who made 500 posts??? Yay me!!

   So I'm sitting on my basement floor, watching Everybody Loves Raymond. The glow from the Christmas tree and the fireplace is beautiful. It's doing a good job of keeping my mind off things. I'm trying real hard to just look forward to tomorrow. I wish I had something entertaining to do till then. Or that Michael was over here. Or that my dad wasn't such a jerk and would have let me go to Amy's... ugh.

   Anyways... Tomorrow's Thanksgiving. I can't believe it. November went by so fast. I completely failed at NaNoWriMo. But that's alright...I'll do better next time. Right? Of course.

   Hmm...I feel like I had more to say. Not sure now. I guess I'll just add an update if I remember. I have all night. For now I need to go take a shower and read though, so I'll talk to you guys later!

 Ttyl

 <3

Can I leave now?

I think I need to go on a road trip.
Or something...
Because this little town,
These little people,
Are too much for my little heart.
I'm like a goldfish
And I'm outgrowing my bowl.
Maybe in more ways than one.
But I think a break would do me good.
A change of scenery,
Like to the depths of your eyes
Where the ocean of your love
Pours over me
I'm drowning.
Or maybe someplace quite
Where not even my own thoughts can be heard.
I think that sounds nice...


This isn't really a poem. I just like line breaks. These are just thoughts...

I think....I'm gonna die now.

...I don't know what I think about drinking. At all.
   It' weird. Logically, I don't have a problem with these guys drinking. I know they won't be stupid. I know they won't go overboard. So why is it every time they talk about it or I think about it, my stomach knots up and I go on the verge of a panic attack? It's stupid. I don't know what to do. =\ I guess past experience has left me terrified...
   So that's what I'm dealing with right now on top of the fact that I have heartburn, my body is starting to ache again, I'm exhausted, and I thought I died this morning.  That was interesting. I think our house got hit with lightning. All I know is that the flash and the boom came at the same time, I was lifted a good inch or two off my bed, and a plaque came flying off my wall. Pretty terrifying thing to wake up to. Especially considering I'd only gotten 4 or 5 hours of sleep.
   I complain a lot. I should probably change that...

I can't wait for lunch. I need to get out of here.

I needed a laugh

    In an attempt to make myself feel better I looked up some literal'd trailers which I just learned about this week. I feel like I should share these with you, in case you've never heard of them. Here's one of my favorites.



   Yeah, this guy does a pretty awesome job. The Harry Potter one is pretty great too. Sooo, I don't know what's wrong with me, but my arm has been killing me and then all of my other joints are bitching at the same time. It kept me up till 5 last night...Freaking ridiculous. Watching the dogs was nice though. I love staying at my aunts house. It gives me some time to myself to just relax. I needed that. Tonight my mom gave me a muscle relaxer and anti-inflammatory thing. We'll see how that goes.
   I wish I could skip school the next two days. It seems like a big waste of time to go two days and get the rest of the week off. The juniors won't even be in class anyways. Meh...

If any of you guys have some more stuff that'd put me in a better mood that'd be much appreciated.

Thanks.

Moldy Belly!

First off, I'm less than fifty page views away from 500.
Pretty freaking sweet.
Second, I think everyone should read the blog
Hyperbole and a Half.
It's amazing. Enough said!

   So, I think my brain has been melted to mush. I can't focus, I can't remember anything, and I'm constantly stumbling over my words. My mind is completely occupied. It's crazyyy. I'm so tired. Haha, wow. That came out of nowhere. See what I mean? I feel like this will mostly be rambling. Let's go with it. Right now is a good time to get into my subconscious without even trying!!
   I'm sitting in Consumer Ed right now, pretending to take notes. I hate this class. It's all pretty much common sense. Have you ever looked up how much money you have to put in as a minimum to get a Certificate of Deposit? It's freaking ridiculous for how little interest the banks will pay you.

   I'm getting glasses soon. I think I look stupid in glasses. But I need them. I have trouble focusing and I have some srs light sensitivity. Like right now, all of these letters are mushing together, but that could also be because I'm really tired. I can hardly keep my eyes open.

   These paragraphs are really short. Does that mean I have a short attention span? Probably. I went on a date with Michael last night. It was pretty great. We ate at Jimmy John's and went to see Due Date. Pretty sweet. Robert Downey Jr. is sooooo cool haha. And Zach Galifianakis is pretty dang funny. And every moment I'm with Michael is great. So last night was great. That's a valid argument. Not a fallacy.
   That's what we've been talking about in AP English. Arguments and fallacies. Tu Quoque is such a funny word >.&lt; Ohohoh, and we've been making pie in Culinary!! I love pie. We made pecan pie in my kitchen. Mrs. Cassidy said it was the best pie of that day!!! Ohhhh yeah. And Monday I'm making a lattice cherry pie. =3. It'll be yummy.

   I feel like I'm going to pass out. Or have a seizure. My brain is all fuzzy. I wonder why. It probably isn't good >.&lt; . I'm going to sleep on the way to Peoria tonight. We're going shopping, I don't know what for, but I'm going to look at what I'll be buying next Friday!! I can't believe Thanksgiving is next week. It came so fast. That means Christmas is close. And then my birthday. And then Ireland, which I'm not so sure I'll be able to go to now... I got another ticket.
  I think this police man hates me. I think it's stupid that someone who got in a hit and run will get to keep their license but I may lose mine just for looking at my phone in a school zone. It's retarded as hell. So now I need to go get court supervision.
  My budget has looked like this:

• 300 for my passport and Amy's.
• 120 for my ticket for running a stop sign.
• Probably 60 in the past two months on gas and stuff.

   That's at least $480... And I need like, $1500 for Ireland. I have less than 229 days to get all that. That's like... $50 a week, and I don't have a job. Dear Neptune...

-Insert brief freak out-

   Ok, enough of that. Uh... I feel like I've rambled enough. Morgan is playing Tetris. That looks fun. And I've been singing the theme song all day. I think I'll play it now.

TTYL

Stupid Winter

Wow, I'm only 80 views away now. You guys are awesome!

  

   So, I've decided that I need a sunlight lamp - bad. This decreased amount of sunlight is driving me crazy. I can't seem to get enough sleep, and then when I need to sleep, my insomnia keeps me up or wakes me up in the middle of the night. It's ridiculous. I can usually manage my depressive thoughts and shiz when the sun is shining, but as soon as it sets I have to consciously remind myself that every thing's ok. Now I have to do that for an extra four hours. It's insane. =\ It's easier when I'm with people though. They're always a good distraction.

   So...I think I'm going to go outside while there's still some light and play my guitar. I would do my English assignment, but it'd put me to sleep. Actually, sleep sounds nice. I'm gonna take a nap. See ya.

99 Truths cause I can't sleep.

  So...I've been having some crazy insomnia. So here's me wasting time. =3

WHAT WAS YOUR:

1. Last beverage: Mt. Dew Voltage
2. Last phone call: ...According to my phone it was Aaron but I don't even remember talking to him haha
3. Last text message: Michael &lt;3
4. Last song you listened to: Failing Is Not Just For Failures - Listener
5. Last time you cried: Uh..Last night. I was freaking out over nothing. It was stupid.


HAVE YOU EVER:

6. Dated someone twice: Yeah..
7. Been cheated on: At least once, yeah..
8. Kissed someone and regretted it: Oh yes.
9. Lost someone special: I thought so.
10. Been depressed: Dur.
11. Been drunk and threw up: Nope


LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:

12. Blue
13. Red
14. Black


THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2010)

15. Made a new friend?: Yeah
16. Fallen out of love?: No
17. Laughed until you cried?: I don't think I've ever done that lol
18. Met someone who changed you?: Yeah.
19. Found out who your true friends were?: I learned that awhile ago.
20. Found out someone was talking about you?: ...Probably
21. Kissed anyone on your FB (facebook) friend list ?: Yeah



GENERAL:

22. How many people on your FB friends list do you know in real life: Nearly all of them.
24. Do you have any pets: Two dogs and two cats
25. Do you want to change your name? I've thought about it but I don't think I would. I've grown attached.
26. What did you do for your last birthday: I honestly don't remember...
27. What time did you wake up today: I think 7:30
28. What were you doing at midnight last night: Either playing Left 4 Dead 2 or watching Semi-Pro
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: The next time I see him
30. Last time you saw your Mother: Like four hours ago.
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: I'd say not being depressed. But if I changed anything really, I wouldn't be me...
32. What are you listening to right now: Futurama lol
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yeah, I think so.
34. What's getting on your nerves right now: My general dislike of myself.
35. Most visited web page: Probably Facebook.
37. Nicknames: Kim, Kimbo, Kimba, Kimothy, Kimbro, and all my adorable pet names &lt;3
38. Relationship Status: Taken, in love, and loved.
39. Number of relationships: Currently? One. Ever? Too many.
40. He or She? He??
41. Elementary? Lincoln
42. Middle School? Edison
43. High School? Macomb High School.
44. Hair Color? I'm naturally a brunette, but right now it's reddish brownish (purplish?) with a shadow.
45. Long or short? Almost long
46. Height: 5'7'' ish
47. Do you have a crush on someone?: I wouldn't call it a crush.
48: What do you like about yourself?: That I care. Seriously.
49. Piercings?: Two in each ear, and an industrial.
50. Tattoos?: I wish.
51. Righty or lefty?: Righty.


FIRSTS:

52. First surgery: Does getting my head stitched count? lol
53. First piercing: Ears.
54. First best friend: Hm... Not sure.
55. First sport you joined: Soccer. Either soccer or basketball. I'm not sure which came first.
56. First pair of trainers: What?
57. First bf/gf: ...I think it may have been Matt Chenoweth hahaha. But I don't remember.
58. First teacher: Mrs. Moon


RIGHT NOW:

59. Eating: I'm trying not to think about the fact that I'm hungry right now. Thank you >.>
60. Drinking: My Voltage.
61. I'm about to: Stay here on my couch till sleep is gracious enough to knock me out.
62. Listening to: Still Futurama.
63. Waiting for: A reply
64. Want kids?: I think. I'm kinda afraid I'll be a bad mother or they'll face the same issues as me..
65. Get Married?: Of course.
66. Career? I'd love to be a famous author


WHICH IS BETTER :

67. Lips or eyes?: Both. You'd look silly if you only had one or the other!
68. Hugs or kisses: Again, they're both fantastic.
69. Shorter or taller: It shouldn't matter.
70. Older or Younger: Older.
71. Romantic or spontaneous: A pleasant mix of both.
72. Nice stomach or nice arms: Stomach I think... Though both are cool.
73. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive?
74. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship.
75. Straight forwards or shy: Straight forward. Though shy is cute &lt;3


HAVE YOU EVER :

76. Kissed a stranger: No sir.
77. Drank hard liquor: Not much.
78. Lost glasses/contacts: Don't think so.
79. Sex on first date: Nope.
80. Broken someone's heart: I doubt it.
81. Had your own heart broken: Yeah..
83. Turned someone down: Yeah
84. Cried when someone died: Yeah. Bawled.
85. Fallen for a friend: Yeah...


DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

86. Yourself: Sometimes
87. Miracles: Yeah
88. Love at first sight: Sure
89. Heaven: I think..
90. Santa Claus: Not at all.
91. Kiss on the first date: Sometimes.
92. Angels: Yeah.


ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

93. Had more than one bf/gf?: At a time? I'm not sure...
94. Is there one person you want to be with right now? More than anything.
95. Did you sing today? Yeah.
96. Ever cheated on somebody?: Yeah... =\
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go? I don't know if I would..
98. If you could pick a day in the last year and re-live it which and why? I have no clue.
99. Are you afraid of falling in love? Afraid? Yes. Willing to anyways? Of course.

Thanks...

   I just noticed I'm only 104 page views away from having 500 views. That's pretty cool. I remember two month ago when I didn't think anyone would read this. I even gave up for awhile >.<. Thanks to those of you that have stuck with me.


   So today is our church's Thanksgiving Dinner. Normally I wouldn't devote a post to something like that, but I realized I haven't posted in a while and I want to say what I'm thankful for.
   I'm thankful for my friends. They've stuck by me through so much. I can be a psychotic mess sometimes and it takes a lot to tough through that. Even for me. So them still being there despite the fact that i can turn into a crazy bitch from hell speaks volumes. I couldn't ask for better people in my life.
   I'm thankful for Michael.  He's without a doubt the sweetest guy I met. I'm so lucky to have him. He makes me realize how special and beautiful I am, especially when I can't see it myself. He genuinely cares about me, and that's all I could ever ask of anyone. I love him so much and I'm glad I'm his.
   I'm thankful for my family. I don't think about this one much, but some recent events have made me realize just how special they really are. I forget just how uncommon it is to have parents that are still in their first marriage. I forget that not all parents tell you you're beautiful, smart, or even just say I love you. It's hard to appreciate that until you realize what some other people have to put up with...
   I'm also thankful for my life.  I don't admit it often, but thinking about it now, I really am. I've attempted suicide at least five times. I'm so glad none of those retarded attempts worked. I couldn't imagine missing out on everything that's happened in my life since then. Sometimes it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but Michael told me something once that really rang true, "There aren't enough days in your life to have bad ones." I realize that no matter what happens, I'm always worth it, and everything will work itself out in the long run.


   So what are you really thankful for? Think about it...

All these highs make the lows lower...

It's weird.
I'm happy as ever.
And yet, when I'm not with him
I feel empty.
I need a distraction. =\

I've been listening to a lot of music at school, trying not to sleep so I can catch up. But it's hard. All I want to do is sleep and dream or go outside or play my guitar or write or be with someone. Anything but sit here and waste my day. Yet I know I need to do this. I need to get through it so I can go to college and make something out of myself. I need to stay focused instead of daydreaming all the time. I'm currently 15596 words behind on my novel. It's kinda sad. I don't know what happened.
Blah..

I'm gonna go walk the halls and clear my mind now.
I can't wait till Friday.
I'll catch up and go to the court house to get my passport.
It'll be good.
Well, talk to you later.

You're nothing short of my everything

   I've been pretty grumpy this morning. If I was like that to any of you reading now, I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong. I just woke up annoyed. I have to keep reminding myself that there aren't enough days to have bad ones, so I need to turn this around. I think it's working.
   It may have to do with the fact that I was told last night that I couldn't write my novel just after my Microsoft Word stopped working. I mean, the person was right, I really have no hope of finishing, but I like keeping myself in delusion >.<. I stayed up for a long time just trying to decide what to do next. I never did decide. I should probably e-mail my story to myself so I can work on it in this class.That'd probably help haha.
   Tomorrow is my first senior skip day. It's not much of a skip day considering I have to show up for the first 3 hours of school. But then I can go back home and sleep and write and play my guitar. It'll be lovely. My fingers actually hurt pretty bad from playing bass and guitar for 3 hours yesterday. It's pretty great <3.
   Yeah...I don't have much to say today. I think I'm going to go back to sleeping in class until wind symphony.

   Lates dawg.

hahahaha

This is my love of math showing through. Oh god.

   Well, I logged onto my NaNoWriMo account and this is what I found...

Stats

Today's Stats
Words Written Today 860
Words Until Goal is Met 807
Current Word Count 860
Words Required Today 1667
Current Trend 3 days behind schedule
Word Goal to Date 5000

Total Progress
Total Words Written 860
Words per Day to Finish on Time 1820
Total Words Remaining 49140
Current Day 3
Average Words per Day 287
Days Remaining 27

History
Days Behind Schedule 3
Days Ahead of Schedule 0
 
   This is depressing and extremely intimidating. I need to get on schedule. I just haven't been making time for myself. I've been trying to catch up with homework and hanging out with Michael and sleeping. I should stop sleeping haha.  Or not. >.<
   Yesterday got a lot better during lunch. A friend of mine brought Cheddar cheese curds and if you don't know already, I love cheese... So so much. It made me feel tons better. And we had a study hall in band, and played hangman in discrete math, and I kicked ass in net ball in PE. Made everything a little better. And Michael came to my place for dinner. Being with him always makes life better.  True story.
   Well...today is the first day of Wind Symphony for me. And I'm going to dinner with my loverly tonight. And we're starting up worship band practice tonight. Today should be a good day. I'm excited. But not too excited. Last time, that didn't turn out too well haha. Well, here we go.
 Hopefully I can get 2000 words added to my novel!

It's Kind Of A Funny Story

Yes, I realized I just posted. But I like this book. I want to share it. Bear with me.

It's so hard to talk when you want to
kill yourself.
That's above and beyond everything else,
and it's not a mental complaint -- it's a physical thing
like it's physically hard to open your mouth
and make the words come out.
They don't come out smooth
and in conjunction with your brain
the way normal people's words do;
they come out in chunks
as if from a crushed-ice dispenser;
you stumble on them
as they gather behind your lower lip.
So you just keep quiet.


This is the first paragraph. I'm in love.
I feel you.

I don't think it's the blood sugar, baby..

   I got sick this morning. I woke up fine, excited actually. I was going to get things done, Michael was going to come watch me cook, and all felt right with the world. None of that happened. Instead, while we were rearranging the kitchens in my culinary class, I got incredibly hot and had to run to the bathroom to avoid spewing all over the clean counter tops..
   I sent a text to my mom telling her what happened. She thinks my blood sugar's low or my new birth-control crap is upsetting my stomach. I don't know what it is. But she brought me a snickers and special k bar anyways =\. I still feel gross..
   To add to that, my friend decided to get pissed at me because his dad's an ass. Apparently I don't care enough about him to deserve knowing what goes on in his life, despite the fact that I bend over backwards to make him happy on a regular basis. Not only did he say I didn't deserve to know what was going on, he called me stupid... I don't need that right now. Not at all.
   So I've said maybe 10 words in the past hour. I think I'm not going to talk for the rest of the day if I can help it. Unless it's to Amy or Michael. Or he apologizes, which one: won't happen and two: will likely not make me feel any better anyways, so it probably won't work.
   I'm sorry I'm being a complainy bitch... I didn't get any sleep, only got 560 words for my novel, and I feel stupid, ugly, and inadequate.. I just really need a hug right now. And I needed to get this off my chest. Sorry to anyone that reads this. I just needed to unload.

Here's to silence....

NaNoWriMo

Wow...I'm so sorry guys!

   Life has been pretty crazy lately. My blog has been the last thing on my mind lately, and that's not cool. So I'm going to try and keep you guys more updated lol. Not that many people read this and are all that interested.
   But anyways, my recent activities have included:

• Holding a garage sale with my friend to raise money to go to Ireland
• Finding the most amazing guy in the world and being able to call him mine. <3
• Having Strep Throat and missing chair placement auditions and a huge AP English test as a result..
• Signing up for and starting NaNoWriMo
• Trying to help my best friend who recently got kicked out of his house (he's only seventeen).
• Lots of stress
• Even more happiness and love and joyness lol
• A haunted corn maze
• Scaring the shit out of little kids and making at least six of them cry. I was helping with a haunted house haha
• Paranormal Activity 2
• Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog <3 <3 <3
• Naps with Michael
• Two cook outs
• Shopping with no money
• Being strangled by a puppy who hates laughter and all things joyful lol

   Despite some stress and shtuff, my life has been going pretty well. Exceptionally well actually. I'm not sure I could be much happier =3. Thanks to certain peoples <3<3

   Anyways, enough mushy gushy stuff. Down to business! For those of you who don't know what NaNoWriMo is, it stands for National Novel Writing Month, which started today. People all around the world are writing short fiction novels (the site doesn't like calling it a novella. too stuck up or something...lol) with 50,000 words, all in 30 days. It's exciting. I have mine all planned out and I'm hoping I have the will power to see it through. It's going to be tough considering I have a bunch of English homework and when I'm not doing that (ok, even when I'm doing that) all I want to do is be with Michael >.< Sacrifices will have to be made haha. Or not. We'll see. Anyways, I'm going to go start typing my novel now! Wish me lucky luck luck!!!!
   As an afterthought I was going to give you the link to the NaNoWriMo site, but they're servers are crashing because of all of the traffic they're getting right now haha. So I'll link you to it some other time!

Edit: I finally got it haha. Here it is. Hope it works. NaNoWriMo.